If only it was easier to deal with my misery by myself. I deserve to suffer, but the people around me don't. Should I isolate myself from everyone one else? I guess there's something I knew but didn't want to admit to myself. I knew that I was never fully accepted. Ever since I learned too much I never was the same. It hurts, knowing that if you do something wrong the people around you have to deal with it too. I don't care if I'm the worst model for my friends, I don't care if I belong in an insane asylum, I don't care if everyone hates me, but I'm happy if all this is true. It means that their actually looking at my imperfections. It means that they're actually looking at me for who I am. More than anything, I want to be seen. What most people see is a shell, my actions, reputation, and expectations, are a part of my shell. I didn't come out of my shell yet, I'm just waiting for someone who will look inside the shell. A person who's willing to see what's inside. I wish I had someone to really talk to. I want someone to cry to, someone to depend, someone who I can trust and be honest, someone who can be honest with me. May my dead beating heart be still again.
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